Do ALL The Things (Except the Things I'm Supposed To Do)

If my work ethic went to church, he would be into incense and rosaries and little jars of holy water. He would wear uncomfortable shiny shoes. He would be ALL up in the confessional.

just try and stop me from using this meme excessively 

What I mean to say, in this horrible extended metaphor, is that my work ethic is deeply Catholic and guilt-driven. If I don't get done what I need to get done, I swiftly convince myself that I am a horrible person. Not even a person. A worm. An unproductive worm that will soon be eaten by a bird. Probably the early bird. That asshole.

Imagine my surprise, however, to find how incredibly competent I've become at convincing myself that I absolutely must do x, y, and z instead of studying for the MCAT. This spell of deception is broken only when I am forced to, say, open my planner to confirm an appointment. Quickly, I fall into a panic. IT'S MARCH 28TH?! HOW CAN IT POSSIBLY BE ALMOST APRIL???? etc. But a few hours later I have forgotten the date, and can get back to reorganizing my bookshelf based on author birth order. Witness, then, the following:

When I Fail The MCAT And Don't Get Into Medical School, At Least I Will Have Become A Pro At:

1. Baking flourless chocolate cake. 

2. Getting dirt out from under my nails without using the little hook on a pair of nail clippers, which may or may not have a real name.

3. Writing villanelles. 

4. Getting Entangled.  (WARNING WARNING WARNING if you have anything remotely important to do within the next 24 hours, do not click that link)

5. Tracking the evershifting, eversubtle relationships between The Real Housewives of Orange County, their significant others, their divorced husbands, their hideous dogs, and their silicone body parts.

6. Sympathizing with fictional pedophiles (thanks, Lolita!)

7. Erging. Especially if there are hot boys who are also erging.

8. Finding memes that investigate the topics of procrastination, chemistry, and farts. 

Gene Wilder, you orange devil, you

So come on, friends. I'm sure you, too, have nothing important to do. Join me. The chocolate river water is fine.