1. Force myself to listen to the song "Call Me Maybe," which I have successfully avoided for weeks.
2. Eat six saltines in six minutes followed by a spoon of cinnamon followed by 24 peeps in five minutes.
says the brain to the stomach
3. Give up all my Bravo shows for a month.
don't flip ALL the tables in my absence
4. Rewatch "Two Girls One Cup."
Crohn's disease: giving me a high tolerance for all things shit-related since 2003
5. Actually Read "Ulysses."
6. Get a Brazilian.
we're just going to wax that right off
7. Run up a down escalator.
OK who am I kidding--I've always wanted to do this
8. Makeout with Steve Buscemi.
9. Confront my fear of people in full body animal costumes.
with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you/
don't tell the police I molested Drew
10. Run. Any distance.
slow down, sister, we're not in Miami
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